This is the question you should ask yourself if you want your relationship to last, according to therapist

Being in a relationship is great, but making it last is even better. If today's couples seem more fragile, there could be a solution to becoming the ideal partner and pushing the relationship to the next level.

American therapist Juliet Kam Kuehnle claims to have the key to romantic success. According to her, there is one question to ask yourself: 'Do I know how to satisfy my own needs at the same time as those of my partner?'

Let's see why this question hold such importance and how it can lead to a stronger relationship.

Defining our needs for a healthier relationship

According to Juliet Kam Kuehnle, this question is essential if you want your relationship to last.

They explain:

This question allows us to take into account a multitude of important factors that contribute to a healthy relationship. The attention we pay to our own needs and the way we satisfy them says a lot about our emotional intelligence

They continue by highlighting that 'responding appropriately to our own needs is really fundamental.' Furthermore, they specify that 'If we do this well, it probably means that we know how to soothe, self-regulate and co-regulate ourselves, and that we can communicate more clearly.'

However, as easy as it sounds, knowing yourself and your needs is not an easy task. Juliet Lam Kuehnle assures us that this quest can be intimidating for those who are used to thinking of others before themselves. But there are many ways of achieving it.

They advise:

We can think about when we feel most comfortable and when we feel most tense, for example, or when we feel most fulfilled versus when we feel most exhausted

Read more:7 signs that your partner doesn't respect you

Satisfy yourself to love your partner better

According to Juliet Lam Kuehnle, having the skills to respond to one's own needs and communicate them to one's partner helps to avoid arguments and the 'four horsemen' developed by psychologist John Gottman: contempt, criticism, indifference and defensiveness. These are all obstacles to a healthy, peaceful relationship.

But when our own needs are met through self-care, we're more likely to be present for those we love.

Juliet Lam Kuehnle explains:

When both parties feel valued and secure, they form a healthier attachment. By meeting our own needs, we are better placed to be present to others, support them and contribute to a reciprocal relationship.

Self-care therefore plays a major role in the smooth running of a romantic relationship.

Read more: The intimate conversation couples avoid that could save your relationship

Source:

parade.com: This Is the One Thing To Ask Yourself To Be a Better Partner, According to a Therapist

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