Woman ‘went blind on purpose’ using drain cleaner to fulfill lifelong dream of being disabled

TW: mentions of self-harm

Jewel Shuping, a woman from North Carolina, used to dream of being blind as a little girl. She would walk the hallways of her family home at night, and would be found by her mother simply enjoying the darkness.

Shuping told People:

By the time I was 6 I remember that thinking about being blind made me feel comfortable.

As an adult, she decided to take matters into her own hands: she used drain cleaner to ruin her eyes on purpose. Here’s the incredible story of how she achieved her dream of being disabled.

Shuping prepared for life without sight

As a teenager, Shuping bought a white cane and learnt to read Braille. By the time she hit 20, she was fluent. It was around this time that Shuping, who is now 38, became really obsessed with losing her sight. She has Body Integrity Identity Disorder (BIID) which is a rare condition that makes people born with no disabilities believe that they are meant to be disabled.

Shuping claims that in 2006, she found a psychologist who understood her condition and agreed to help her - by pouring first numbing eye drops, then drain cleaner into her eyes!

The experience of going blind

Shuping explains that the process was extremely painful:

My eyes were screaming and I had some drain cleaner going down my cheek burning my skin.

She told herself, ‘I am going blind, it is going to be okay’. She managed to wait 30 minutes before heading to a hospital, where doctors tried to save her eyes against her will.

However, the damage was done: over the following six months, Shuping gradually lost her eyesight.

She explains that this made her ‘so happy’ as she was finally the person she ‘was supposed to be’:

I went blind on purpose, but I don't feel it was a choice.

Shuping’s warning to others with Body Integrity Identity Disorder

Shuping initially told her family that she lost her sight in an accident, but when she told them the truth, they cut ties with her. Although she remains happy with her decision, she warns others suffering with BIID to be cautious:

Don't go blind the way I did. I know there is a need, but perhaps someday there will be treatment for it. People with BIID get trains to run over their legs, freeze-dry their legs or fall off cliffs to try to paralyze themselves.

It's very dangerous. And they need professional help.

She explains that there’s also a mental load to carry, and ‘when there's nobody around you who feels the same way, you start to think that you're crazy’.

However, Shuping seems very realistic about her situation:

But I don't think I'm crazy, I just have a disorder.

If you are concerned that you could be suffering from BIID, you should speak to a doctor. Taking matters into your own hands could lead to a more tragic ending than it did for Shuping!

Read more:

⋙ This man went blind because of a bad habit, do not repeat this at home

⋙ A blind teenager regains his sight thanks to an unusual treatment

⋙ Doctors shocked after 12-year-old fully recovers from an incurable cancer

Sources used:

Mirror: Woman blinded herself with drain cleaner to fulfil 'lifelong dream of being disabled'

Medium: Woman Who Made Herself Blind Has Body Integrity Identity Disorder